I remember when you were drunk
by slashygeek
Summary: BROLIN Bradley and Colin's povs. When something happens between the two of them, secrets are kept and misunderstandings are risen. When the truth is showed, will their love crumble forever? male/male love.


I remember when you were drunk.  
Colin's pov.

Oh god, oh god. his legs were spread out, wide. his hand held onto his leg and he had a bulge. I, i just couldn't look away. I couldn't, i don't even know why! Why? It was like i couldn't look away if i wanted to, but why? I felt drawn to him, god.

I even felt myself lean forwards, towards him. I didn't even know what i was doing till Angel's voice brought me back, god god god god god! why? I immediately looked down, hiding my flushed face.

I couldn't help the images that flowed in. My heart was beating so fast! so fast! Images, desires just blinded my vision, i couldn't block it out.

I roughly played with my hands, squeezing, wrapping my hands around each other, trying to ignore the images of-of bradley calling out my name! NO! Why wasn't it going away, i got nervous, i shifted slightly. Now voices played in my head of bradley saying words to me, moaning, god. I know i had to stop before-

Katie gave me the mic.

I looked up at her, my eyes pleading her not to. Somehow, i don't even know how, i wasn't even doing a good job of it but she understood and talked to the interviewer.

I tried to sneak a peak at Bradley once more, just to calm my nerves by looking at his hair. Or his eyes, or his neck but when i looked back my eyes fell to his lips.

Everything slowed down. I could even hear my own heart beat, i couldn't hear anything else, i couldn't see anyone or anything but Bradley. Everything was slow, i watched as his fingers slowly stroked his cheek then resting on his plum, full lips.

No, i had to look away. Then i realized that i was moving forward again. I felt my mouth wet, so wet then i realized that my mouth hung open. Bradley's eyes were like a predator, staring me down. I even slumped down a bit, his stare so intense, so sure...so, so...sexy.

Why the hell is wrong with me!?

I'm a Cathlic, i was taught my whole life that being, needing, thinking this is a sin. A SIN DAMMIT! So why was i drawn to him in this way! and the hardest part was that i liked it, god i liked it. Is it wrong, am i wrong, is what i learned about this wrong?

Well is it? Somehow i hope so, so i can feel a bit of a relief, knowing that this is normal, normal and not a sin.

Normal, normal oh please be normal!

"Alright, thank you Merlin cast!" A cheerful voice echoed.

I looked up to be greeted by smiles and bright lights, i squinted and lifted my hand to cover my face.

God, where am i?

What's happening?

I'm scared.

But the only thing that made me not break down in tears was thinking of Bradley's cocky 'I'm so cool, life bows down to me' look and i felt safe.

Then, then something happened.

Something warm and comforting and gentle grabbed my wrist, another snaked around my hip and i was lifted up.

I stumbled a bit, and then i fell onto something hard but soft, warm, familiar. I pressed my head against it and laid my arms on it, trying to block out everything like a child. Two strong hands wrapped around me, keeping me safe. I stood there for a while, i just felt so safe, then i looked up, getting my scenes back together when soft, kind blue eyes looked down on me.

"Come, let's go home..." A soft voice hummed.

"Home?" I asked, god i knew i was out of it, completely out of it, i'm a nutter.

But i didn't care.

"Yeah, don't worry it's only a 30 minute drive, you can sleep on the way if you want, i have been told my shoulder is very comfy but no drooling alright!"

I know that humor anywhere.

Could it be, oh please be so.

"Bradley?" I asked.

"Woah, your'e out of it aren't you, okay lets get you out of here then shall we?" His voice sang in my ears.

I nodded helplessly as he took me to his side and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, bringing me into his embrace once more, i hung my head low and closed my eyes as he guided me through the crowd, thousands of voices hummed all around us, Bradley was strong and pushed his way through the crowd, soon i felt cold air and silence, just calm, quiet silence.

I felt a small smile tug as Bradley gently pushed me.

"Watch out for the-" He whispered but it was too late, seconds later i was falling but i wasn't scared at all, i was just so tired, i don't know what's going on.

Shouts occurred then it turned to whispers and i was caught and lifted.

I opened my eyes and looked up to see Bradley's' worried face, i simply hummed, a calm, peaceful smile spread across my lips as i pressed my cheek against Bradley's chest and fell instantly to sleep.

During my sleep, words floated around me, i didn't care about it and ignored them, but some words got into me, what where them again?

"get in quick!"

"Oh god, Colin!"

"We have to get him to the hospital, now!"

"Colin, can you hear me!?"

"COLIN?"

"COLIN!"

huh?

Whats happening, i gasped as a light, blinding light shone right at me.

A bright, stinging light flashed across my eyes, something white was on the corner of my eyes and i could see a mess of blond hair.

"He's not reacting..."

"Then get him on a drip you big oaf, don't just stand there and say these things!" A voice cried irritably.

Then my eyes burned.

"Ah!" I cried.

I rested my hand over my eyes and shut them closed, tears flowed down, i groaned in pain.

"Colin?"

"Mr Morgan, how are you feeling?"

"Don't act so formal you oaf, call him Colin, he will respond to that, right Colin?"

I moaned in response.

"See!"

There was an awkward pause.

Something grabbed my hand, something cold and slightly sticky and moved my hand away.

I moaned in protest, my brows furrowed in irritation.

"Stop that, don't you see his eyes hurt!" The same voice cried.

I felt my eye lid being forcefully lifted up, a blinding light flashed in my eyes, i squirmed, my hands tried to push the hand away when-

"Alright, that's IT!" The same voice cried, a second later the hands were gone and i heard something connect hard to something else.

I heard someone cry out in pain.

Why the fuck am i so calm!?  
"Mmmmurgh..." I groaned and slowly blinked.

At first i saw white, then i felt someone hug me, they pressed my head gently against their chest, oh...the same feeling from earlier.

I let my fingers lazily stroke the warm fabric.

I opened my eyes fully to realize that i was in a hospital room.

"hmmm?" I hummed and looked to my side to see legs, i looked up to see bradley.

He was holding me.

"Bradley?" I asked.

I felt his fingers, his warm, warm fingers brush against my hair before whispering, oh so gently.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than just now...what happened, all i remember was a merlin interview then...everything just started to get wired." I asked.

An irritable sigh was heard.

"You were drugged Colin..." A hard tone hissed.

"Drugged?"

"Yeah, you know that driver that gave you a water bottle when we got out to the comic con interview, seems that he was mad and generally hated all actors and wanted them dead, we just got to you in time, he's gone now, locked away in the local police office...your'e safe now...god i was so worried-"

He tightened his hold.

"-At first i thought you were just tired but when we got you into the car you...your mouth started foaming and-" bradley squeaked.

Everything was quiet.

"-We drove you to the hospital and we just made it...just made it by seconds...seconds..." bradley whispered.

"It's okay, i feel way better now, i have a headache but by tomorrow i will be fine..." I assured him.

"You have to stay here for two days, we will be able to take you to your flat by the evening of the second day...just rest for now..." bradley said and gently put Colin into bed again.

He bent down and placed a kiss, a tender kiss on my fore head and walked over to the door.

Wait, where are you going?" I asked, panicked...i didn't want to be alone!  
"To get another doctor, don't worry Colin...i won't leave your side...i'll never leave your side..." Bradley gently said and left.

That sentence followed Colin to sleep.

The next time he woke was to a noise of, what sounded like someone playing cards and stacking the pack, i looked to my side to see bradley tearing paper.

It was dark outside, bradley had dark rings under his eyes.

"Bradley?" Colin whispered.

The man turned to me, a grateful or relieved smile lightened up his tired face, like a lost boy who was waiting for his mother to tuck him in on a dark and stormy night when she just walked in.

"Sorry, did i wake you?" Bradley tiredly asked.

"yeah but it's alright...whats the time?" I asked.

"Three in the morning..." He answered with a carless tone.

"Three in the morning, why aren't you asleep!?" I cried.

"Can't..." bradley simply said.

"please sleep..." I begged him.

"Alright, i will try..." Bradley yawned and shifted in his chair, he folded his arms and mumbled something and closed his eyes, he grew still, nearly a minute later he was completely asleep.

"Oh Bradley..." I whispered.

I couldn't believe that he was awake for so long.

Why? I can't, couldn't ever think that he was awake for me.

No, how could that be?

That, this type of thing only happens in the movies, not real life!

Stupid, stupid!

I suddenly heard a noise and turned to Bradley, his stomach was growling.

I frowned.

I looked at his face, his brows furrowed.

He groaned and sifted a bit.

"You idiot..." I huffed.

I sat on the side of the bed and tore off the blanket, i rested my feet agains the cold floor and stood up.

Dizzy, i felt so dizzy.

I felt myself tip back then fall forwards, i-i couldn't stop myself!

Help me, someone help please!  
"Bra-!" I called helplessly, i couldn't help it, god, oh god even his name made me feel warm.

I thought i hit the ground but it was too gentle and quiet.

huh?

I held onto the hospital 'dress' that rested against my chest, i gulped and looked up to see blond hair.

All was so quiet.

I was about to say something was i felt my hair being stroked.

"Damn you Morgan, DAMN YOU!" A familiar voice cried angrily.

"I-I'm sorry..." I shyly croaked slightly.

Bradley sighed irritably.

"Bradley?" I asked.

A second later I was in his arms.

I took a dry gulp and looked up, two dark eyes glared at me.

My eyes widened and i looked down, embarrassed, actually i don't know what i felt.

Suddenly he laid me on the bed, i couldn't look at him, i don't even know why!

I watched as his strong hands pulled the blanket above my chest, i grabbed the edges and looked at his hands that rested on my leg.

Then he walked towards the door.

It was like my voice was stolen, gone...completely gone.

'I don't want you to leave' is what i would have said.

If only it reached him.

I simply closed my eyes and fell asleep.

"He what?"

"Got out of bed, he nearly cracked his head open!"

"God bradley...i'm sorry..."

"Fuck it...you take care of him, i'm leaving!"  
"What why!?"

"..."

"He needs you right now Bradley, stop being such a selfish brat and sit with him!"  
No

"He needs you now and YOU CAN'T EVEN SIT WITH HIM FOR A WHOLE NIGHT!?"

He needs to rest, just let him go

"look Katie...just fucking leave it..." I heard Bradley sigh.

He, he never swears, not this much and not EVER, oh god this was best wasn't it.

The truth was that i didn't want to let him leave, but i tried to convince myself to let him go.

I tried, oh i tried.

"Don't go..." I croaked.

I could almost feel their eyes on me.

I shyly opened my eyes and looked at him.

"Don't go..." I said.

"I just need air you idiot, why do you have to be so damn needy!" He cried and left.

It was like all the air was sucked out of the room, none of us even dared to breathe.

"I-d-i-o-t..." I said to myself.

"Colin..." Katie called with sadness.

"Neeedy..." I said.

I could almost see her sad, beautiful eyes look at me, almost begging me not to think it.

"He-" I started.

"Bradley is really cranky at night and the mornings, especially when he hasn't gotten his beauty sleep..."

"...But...he was never angry at me when i was with him at night...at the flat when we had to learn our lines, he was always so happy..." I said.

Katie giggled lightly.

"Thats because your'e you and cus' you always have a curfew that suits his schedule..." She giggled.

I was quiet.

I'm me?

Whats does that mean?

She squeezed my shoulder and left with Angel who waved at me as she closed the door.

No, not you too, why? Don't leave!

click

Great, now i'm all alone.

I grumbled something and fell asleep.

I was dreaming that i was in a car, we were driving on a bumpy road, the glass suddenly smashed, i cried out and alarms rang around us, i turned to see Bradley behind the wheel.

"Whats happening?" I asked.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Guns fired around us, i flinched after each one.

"You idiot, stop being so scared, man up, were going got our deaths anyway!" He angrily screamed at me, i turned to the road to see fire at the sides of a orangey red road, it was so bumpy.

I saw ahead that the road ended and there was a cliff.

There was ocean beneath.

I gulped.

I turned to the my side of the car door to see the stick sunk into its hole.

I was locked in.

I turned to Bradley.

"What the hell do you think your'e doing!"

"We die together!" He sneered.

I gasped as i turned to the road to see we were about to drive over the edge.

There was a massive bump then we were falling, i gasped.

I fell forwards, i frowned with fear, shaking with disbelief-I-!

"Catch him!"

What?

I felt two arms catch me, the car fell to the ocean with Bradley in it.

No.

I opened my eyes.

I was staring at a pavement.

What? a dream?

Thank god!

I looked down to see two arms around me.

"Get him into the car..." A new voice called.

Suddenly the arms uncoiled and seconds later i was face to face with a stone faced Bradley stared at me.

I helplessly stared at him, he looked away and lifted me and laid me in the car.

I looked up to see him closing the door.

I took interest in the seat in front of me when he got in the other side, the car then drove.

it was ten minutes in the drive and i shyly looked at Bradley.

His elbow rested against the door handle, his hand held onto his head as it rested against the window.

We hit a bump and he fell to his side, his head fell into my lap.

Fast asleep.

My hands were in the air, slowly i let them down, one rested on the car handle, the other on the side of bradley's face.

Friends, just friends and nothing more.

I took my hand away from bradley and laid it on an empty part of the seat, i looked out of the window.

I didn't know when i fell sleep, but i woke and recognized the neighborhood, we were close to my flat.

I smiled and looked down to see my legs.

I frowned.

"Did you miss the feeling of me on your'e lap?"

"What?" I frowned and looked to my side to see bradley, in the same spot but he was staring at me.

He sighed, closing his eyes for just a second then opening them again.

"I'm sorry..." He said, clearly it looked difficult for him to say that.

"-But...you...when you, before you put me into the car...your'e eyes..."

"I was angry...angry at myself...i can't believe what i said..." Bradley said, his hand covered his mouth for a moment, digested for what he said.

"It's okay..."

"No it's not, don't give me that crap!" Bradley cried, his eyes on me.

He groaned in anger and griped his hair.

"It's not you...i'm angry at me, i'm sorry it's just..."

"You need to rest, Bradley..." I said in a calm voice.

"Yes..." He breathed and let his hand drop into his lap, he seemed to relax a little.

"When...when we get to the flat...we can sleep for a while..." I said.

Bradley nodded.

The car stopped, i too off my seat belt and opened the door to see bradley standing in front of me.

"The doctor said you are still weak, i'll carry you to you're bed..." He said and simply carried me to the apartment, the driver opened the door for us and handed Bradley the keys and left.

I don't remember when i went to sleep.

God why am i so tired!?

"Heh, your really tired aren't you?" Bradley's' voice echoed.

I felt myself being let down, i think onto a cough?

But my head laid on something else...Bradley's lap?

I felt a hand stroke my hair.

I hummed.

"heh...you're so innocent Col...thank god in here with you...i lo-"

Silence.

Wait, wait no!  
What were you going to say Bradley!?

Well, shit.

Click.

Bang!

Pop!

"Crap."

I giggled and opened my eyes to see i was lying on the cough, a blanket covered me, i looked down to see that i was out of that hospital dress to a 'way-too'big' top (Probably bradley's) and my pajama pants.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up.

I put my hand down and looked up to see bradley holding two cups of tea.

He had a guilty expression on his face.

oh bless him.

"Sorry, did i wake you?"

"Naw, it's alright, by the judge of the coffee it seems you were going to wake me up anyway..."

"Why aren't you a little Sherlock Holmes, the bbc one i mean..." He cheekily said and walked over to me, he handed me a cup and sat next to me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, staring at the blank T.V screen.

"Better,more than better...hungry though..."

"I'm cooking some eggs for you...they'll be done in a few minutes..."

"Thank you..." I smiled and took a sip of the tea.

Oh, it's so warm.

"Mmmmm..." I hummed.

"Good eh?" Bradley asked.

"Oh i missed your morning teas..." I smiled, looking at bradley.

"Hmhmhm, Good ta' hear..." bradley chuckled, patting my head and got up to switch the stove off.

I smiled and finished drinking the tea, when i was done i laid the mug on the table in front of me and bradley gave me toast and egg.

"Your'e the best, brad!" I smiled and dug into my breakfast.

Bradley smiled, watching me eat as he lazily ate his.

"So you forgive me for how i acted towards you?" Bradley whispered, mostly to himself i think.

I put the plate down and turned to him.

"Of course i forgive you..." I whispered back, giving him a smile.

his eyes sparkled.

A moment later he was hugging me!  
"Thank you, Colin, thank you, Thank you Thank you!" He cried, hugging me tightly.

I smiled and hugged him back, i felt my face red, why?

I rested my head against his neck, closing my eyes for a moment, just a moment.

"Please..." I whispered under my breath.

"Hm?" bradley hummed in question.

I felt tears well up.

"Please hold me for a bit longer..." I croaked.

I felt my tears flow down, i couldn't help it and sobbed into his shoulder.

"J-just a bit longer." I squeaked.

"...Please..." I wept. holding tighter onto him.

I couldn't help the chocked sobs that escaped my mouth, i pressed my lips against Bradley's soft shirt.

Why? Why am i even crying?

Why?

"It's alright to cry sometimes Colin..." Bradley whispered, rubbing his hand across my back.

I let it out, i wailed and let the tears fall down my face.

Then, then i finally knew why i was crying.

I don't even know i said it till it left my lips, it was like i spoke from the heart for the first time.

"I thought i lost you, i though that we were gone, and i felt cold, i was lost, i felt so empty!" I sobbed, i grabbed a fist full of his shirt.

"-So empty!" I screamed.

"I was so scared...scared th-that i-i would loose myself i-!"

"Shhhshhshhh..." Bradley whispered, stroking my hair.

"Without you i'm nothing, nothing!" I screamed.

Then i cried, i cried and cried and he held me, so close, so tightly and we sat there for what seemed an eternity, and he didn't care.

He didn't care that the food was on the floor and was cold, he didn't care that both our bodies ached, h-he didn't care that my tears wet his shirt, he didn't care.

Thank god.

That was all i needed, and he knew it, how did he know?

Does he truly know me that well?  
"-know..." Bradley said.

I blinked.

"what?"

"I know you..." He said.

"I-"

"I know that you like to hug a pillow during the night, i know you can eat two jars of peanut butter, i know that you cry when you listen to songs you haven't heard in years, i've got you figured out Colin...i completed the puzzle of your silly little life...and now i'm not letting you go, not to anyone..." bradley said.

And i smiled.

I don't even know why...

But i was happy and thats all that mattered to me, i was here.

Here with someone that i wouldn't mind growing old with, someone that i was proud to call a friend, a person that i want to wake up to every morning with and go to sleep with every night, someone that...that.

"Colin...i love you..."

speaks to me like he does, but not to Colin...not the actor or Merlin or Cathal but Colin...me, and i love that me.

The Colin he speaks to doesn't have to worry,

that has so much time on his hands.

That can hug him like this like a stupid cheesy fairy tale.

That...that he loves and cares for with all his heart.

And that feeling, i feel so whole and warm, so happy i could burst.

It wasn't love tough.

it was different, different to any type.

Special.

it was special.

It couldn't be explained and I love that.

it was a type of friendship that is envied over.

Friendship that is spoken in stories.

Friendship that cannot be figured out, like a forest.

So many paths, you didn't know what would happen in any path but you didn't care, you would walk in and let things happen and what ever happened, happened.

"I love you"

It's different here.

"Stay..."

Different.

"Colin...can I sleep with you, you always look so cold."

just...different...

It's a wonderland like none other...

It's mad, it makes no scene but it just does and we go with it, we don't care what happens, because everything is just so messed up as it is to fix it.

We don't need to fix anything, why fix it.

I love the way things are now.

I don't want it to change!

So please...hold me like this again someday, say these words bradley and lets tread another crazy path once more.

He stayed with me, till the last tear fell.

He caught it with his lips and gave me a smile.

We went out and roamed the streets.

I wrapped my arms around his arm as i dragged him into a shop.

We pointed to sweets we enjoyed and of course bradley chose a candy chain.

He picked one and put it on my wrist, i did the same.

We bought them and left.

Bradley dragged me to the park, we sat on a tree as i ate my candy chain.

At the end we ate each others for no reason.

As the day was close to it's end we made it back to my flat.

Bradley bought five beers and set them in the table.

We sat down and he laid them out.

"What is this?" I asked.

"What does it look like?" bradley chuckled as he opened his.

i blushed in embarrassment.

"I...idon'tdrink..." I mumbled.

"What?" bradley asked, taking a gulp.

"I don't drink...i haven't drunk a beer in my life..." I said a bit louder.

"YOU WHAT!?" He cried.

"I know, i know i'm sorry!" I sighed.

"Well then, todays the day you get drunk!" Bradley cheerfully said as he opened another and shoved it in my hand, the contents sizzled in excitement.

I held it with both hands and looked into the hole.

"Oh for the love of-" bradley huffed and grabbed my hands and lifted the can against my lips, the alcohol poured into my mouth.

It stung.

But he didn't let it down, so i drank it all.

Gulp

Gulp

Gulp!  
When Bradley was sure that the last drop left the can he set it down.

"CHEEEERS!" He cried.

I remember giving him the best death stare i could do before i forgot everything.

Bradley's pov.

I felt bad.

I didn't mean to pour the whole thing in, god i'm such an idiot.

I immediately got rid of the can and turned to Colin.

He glared at me with dark eyes.

Oh god, this is the end ins't it.

i can see it all now.

'Bradley James, murdered by his colleague, seems he was drunk when killed.'

But...but then something changed.

Colin was giggling.

Suddenly we were on the floor, i rested my hands against the floor.

Colin grabbed my shirt, his eyes lazily looked at me.

He looked almost hopeless.

he leaned forwards.

Oh no, what...

Was...was this going to.

Is this it?

I always secretly loved him, but this is too much.

if-if he kisses me right now...i...i might not forgive myself for what i might do to him.

I might not be able to control myself if-

His lips pressed against mine.

They were moist as well was mine, so full.

Damn it, damn it all.

I closed my eyes and rested my hand on Merlin's nape and kissed back.

I tilted my head slightly to the left and gently bit onto Colin's lower lip.

My body s-started to tremble.

Colin gasped slightly, i took it as an invite and slipped my tongue into his mouth, Colin tasted of candy and beer, god so good!

Colin moaned into the kiss.

"Bradley..." He breathed, hot and messy.

Oh god i love him so much.

I broke the kiss and rested my hand against his cheek, he was blushing like mad.

"I love you..." I breathed.

He chuckled.

"I know..." he smiled.

"No..." I said, dully and grabbed his hands and threw him to the ground, i held him down.

"I-I love you Colin, i love you...i want you, your not my friend..." I cried.

I bent lower, kissing his neck.

I lifted my head, our eyes met.

"Your'e not my friend..." I whispered.

"Then what am I to you?" He asked, frowning.

"Oh Colin...your so much more than just my friend...right now...from now on your'e my lover...i love you...Colin, say that you love me...please..." I begged.

"I can't..." He whispered.

"What?"

"I can't..." he repeated.

It was like a truck smashed into me.

"Why...?" I breathed, tears welling up.

"I'm a Catholic Bradley...i can't do this...it's...it's not right..." Colin said.

"Damn being religious, this is love Colin and-!" I cried.

He looked away with sad eyes.

I grit my teeth in anger, i let go of his hand and grabbed his face, forcing him to look at me.

"I won't take that crap Colin...i just won't!" I cried and leaned down, kissing him, hard.

How dare he.

I unbuttoned his shirt.

How dare he say that!

I tore it off and pressed my hand, hard against his chest.

All we've been through together!?

He broke the kiss.

"Bradley stop, what are you doing!?" He cried.

No, it's unfair...

I unbuttoned his jeans.

"NO BRADLEY DON'T!" He screamed, trying to push me away with his free hands but he was too drunk to even see straight.

He'll get what he deserves.

"No!" He cried.

I slipped my hand into his pants.

My love!

"Ahhhhhhh!" He screamed.

I grabbed him.

"Stop, stop it Bradley!"

Then i squeezed.

"S-Stop AH!"

I moved my hand up and down, i watched as his breath quickened.

"Help, help!" He cried hoarsely.

he was crying, calling for help.

"Help someone please!" He wailed.

For someone to save him...from me.

My heart broke.

But i don't care!  
He loves me doesn't he!?

He even kissed me!

He kissed me.

Fine...

If he doesn't like it then, it doesn't matter what i do.

I pulled his pants down and leaned down and kissed his neck.

He shivered beneath me, his arms now flat against the floor.

It doesn't matter!

Nothing does!

I kicked off my shoes and pulled my pants, socks and boxers off, as well as Colin's.

His breath was hot and heavy, he had no energy to cry for help anymore.

Thank god.

I straddled his hips, he cried out.

"Stop..." He sobbed.

"Shut it..." I hissed.

Yes...yes i defiantly lost myself.

I rocked back and forth.

"Come on Colin...beg me to stop..." I hissed.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!" He cried more louder, after each push.

His whole body rocked back and forth.

I couldn't take it and lifted his legs over my shoulder and entered him.

He screamed, oh he screamed.

His body moved, his body was slick with sweat, his chest rose and fell.

"Stop...stop..." He panted.

I bent down, i let my tongue lick his hot salty neck.

I pressed my lips against his neck, i hovered over his ear.

He moved away slightly, i moved closer.

"I'm going to fuck you...hard, fuck you so hard that...that-"

No, this isn't me, what am i doing!?  
I love him, why...why am I-?

"No..." Colin whimpered.

"Please stop...please please Please!" he cried.

"No!" I yelled and covered his mouth and moved faster, harder till it burned.

His cries were muffled under my hand.

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth.

I must have hit his g-spot because he seemed to stop resisting.

I took my hand away.

"Yes...take it...take it, Colin..." I gasped, hitting the same spot.

He was gasping for breath,voice high with pleasure, eyes closed and his mouth hung open.

He gasped and his toes curled, he moved his feet a bit.

"Ah..." He gently cried.

His breath quickened.

Colin bent his head to the side, eyes closed and grit his teeth.

Tears formed.

breath hard, he opened his mouth, gasping...gasping.

Suddenly he gasped in shock and his head flew back.

"Bradley!" He cried out in ecstasy as he came.

It seemed like time slowed down.

What?

Did, did he call out my name...me? he-

Why?

His cum was all over his chest.

His breath slowed, eyes closed.

Soon he fell asleep.

I stayed still for a moment, thinking of what happened.

Why did he call out my name?

After what i did to him?

P-put him through?

In blind rage?

I felt as if i was taken over and- and this thing did this to him.

And i...enjoyed it.

Why?

Why did i enjoy it!?

WHY!?

I hate myself, i hate myself for that.

Theres no one to blame but me.

I tearfully looked down at him.

"Why didn't i stop?" I said softly, i laid my hand on his cheek.

"Why, tell me, tell me why!?" I sobbed.

Then i realized i was still in him, i slowly pulled out and got a blanket and wrapped it around him and took him to the bathroom.

I got into the shower with him and washed away the cum, i dressed him and gently laid him on the bed.

I couldn't help it, i bent down and hugged him as if he was a priceless vase, i whispered my apologizes and gently kissed his fore head.

The rest of the day i waited for him to wake up but he never did.

When night fell i walked into his room and watched him for a while, then i closed the door.

The rest of the night i prepared myself for the worst.

Colin's pov.

I woke the next morning, somehow my whole body ached.

What happened?

I walked over to the kitchen to see Bradley drinking water.

"Mornin'!" I called cheerfully.

He gasped and turned to me, a scared expression on his face.

I frowned.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

He was quiet.

"Bradley?" I asked, walking over to him in placed my hand on his shoulder.

he looked down.

"Imsorry..." I mumbled.

"What?"

"I'm sorry..." He said louder.

"What for?" I asked, whats wrong with him?

"..."

"What happened last night?"

He shifted uncomfortably.

"Did i do something wried?" I chuckled.

"Just get dressed..." He whispered.

I wanted to ask him what his deal was but i obeyed.

When i went back to the kitchen he was got dressed too.

"Well then...lets go..." He said dully and walked over to the door, i followed suit.

We drove to a mall, we got out of the car.

bradley took off his sun glasses and laid them on his head.

I realized how exhausted he looked.

We walked along the street and we stopped at a robot.

"Do you hurt?" Bradley asked, looking anywhere else but me.

"What?"

"Do you hurt, it's a simple enough question..." He said.

"Umm...my body aches a little bit but i'm okay now...what, did i fall down the stairs or something...well thats what you get for shoving down alcohol into me...you should be ashamed..." I joked.

He cringed.

The light turned green.

He turned to me and grabbed my hands with care, he held them close and closed his eyes, giving me a passionate kiss on the head.

I was shocked.

"If only you knew Colin...if only you knew..." He whispered and walked across the street.

I followed him.

We shopped for a bit and when it started to get dark we drove back to the flat.

We got changed and i lay on the cough, Bradley sat up as i laid my head on his lap.

I turned to face the T.V, i brought my hands to my chest and fell asleep.

I could almost feel bradley rest his hand on my hair in my dream.

Oh what a nice dream.

I woke an hour later with an idea.

"Why don't we go clubbing?" I asked.

Bradley frowned.

"I don't think thats a good idea..." He said, sternly.

"We don't have to drink, i don't like to drink...so we can just dance and go back here, come on, two hours and we are back here..." I begged him.

He sighed.

"Fine...no drinking though..."

"No..." I agreed and we drove to a local club.

We arrived and danced through some well loved songs, when we were really enjoying ourselves bradley thought it was a good idea to just have one drink, it was good to see him excited again.

When i was sure he was drunk i began to worry, i can't drive and the flat is too far to walk in Bradley's' state.

"Here we are Coliiiies..." He grinned as he gave me a glass of wine.

"No thanks..." I said, moving it away.

"Awww, com' on...just a sip, sippy sip, pwwweaseee!" He begged, leaning against me.

"No.." I said firmly and pushed him into his chair.

"Mean Colin...just mean, heh meaany meaany..." He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes.

Then for some reason he started to cry, but like, he wailed.

All stopped dancing and looked at us, i tried to keep him quiet.

"Fine, fine i will drink!" I huffed and drank the whole glass, then another and another.

I remember us on the dance floor and for two drunkards we danced pretty good, our faces were close, i had my arms over his shoulders, his hands held onto my hips.

"I loved you since the first time i laid my eyes on you" bradley smiled.

I grinned, i was just so happy, my mind was numb.

I felt my eyes close.

I leaned in and kissed him.

I curled my arms around his neck.

He moved his hands up to my back, i felt so safe then.

I knew i wasn't too drunk and so i called a cab and we went home.

Poor bradley was completely shattered.

He kept singing some songs with lyrics like: 'i only have eyes for you'

Hmh...

"Meeeerlin...Meeerlin, lets do it..." He cooed.

"Oh my god, you are so out of it!" I laughed.

"Merlin, i'm te' king of Cam-Came-lot and...and you're my servant...you serveee me, got it...now, do as i say or ill call daddy to throw you in the dungeons..."

"Bradley..." I sighed.

"ARTHUR!" The big oaf cried.

"Bradley, we are actors, Merlin and Arthur are our characters..."

"Nooooo, where did ya get that from huuuh?" He slurred.

"Bradley, were not Merlin and Arthur, your not Arthur, you are bradley, i am not Merlin i am Colin..." I said, slowly.

"But...but you still love me?"

"Um..."

"Right?"

"As a friend yeah..."

I swear, i didn't know his eyes could go that big and...and puppy like.

I sort of expected bradley to think i was Merlin when he was drunk, i mean it was obvious.

We have been Merlin and Arthur for what...six years. It's totally normal for him to think that i was Merlin and he was Arthur...but...but THIS IS TOO DAMN FUNNY!

I just burst out laughing.

"Oh bradley-" I giggled.

"-Arthur!" He grumbled.

"Oh right...Oh Arthur, your too cute!" I laughed.

"Merlin...!" He growled.

"You are, hahahahahahhahaa!" I laughed.

I turned to him and cupped his face.

"Your'e my mate, Bradley...but i don't love you, i'm sorry..."

Fact was, i didn't know was i felt for him, it was just so mixed up.

He nodded and stumbled to the cough with a huff.

A short while later i sat next to him.

We watched T.V, both of us staring blankly at it, both we weren't really paying much attention to it.

"I'm sorry..." I said, looking at my feet.

"What?" He asked.

"I...I like you...Bradley, and-i just...i'm scared...scared of what my family would think...because of my religion, it's restricting me of what i want to love the most...you...and i just don't know what to do...when i kissed you...at the club, it felt so right but...i kept hearing these words like 'You will be punished' or 'Burn...' and i'm scared..." I whispered.

I didn't even notice that bradley switched off the T.V but then i felt a hand rest on my cheek, gently moving me to face Bradley.

"Lets do it...Colin, i...i love you so much... want you so bad that i can't help myself sometimes...you drive me crazy with your'e smiles and i want is to love you..." Bradley said.

I felt as if i was flying, flying far away from everything.

Soon his lips rested against mine, i closed my eyes and kissed back.

I felt my hand rest against his nape, deepening the kiss.

I felt him, his hands trailing down my chest and rest on my pants.

He slowly moved in between my legs and gently squeezed.

I gasped and broke the kiss and lifted my head back, panting heavily.

He trailed kisses on my neck.

Huh, that felt...familiar.

I heard him hum, the way he did though, was like a master satisfied as his pet obeyed.

God.

Why did that turn me on?

I looked down to see him unbuttoning my shirt.

"Ah!" I gasped as he-he slipped his hand into my pants.

"Bed...bed..." I i gasped.

"Of course..." He whispered, like he was ashamed that he didn't do it in the first place.

Am i really that special to him?

He lifted me into his arms, i gently held his face and kissed him.

He walked over to my room and closed the door.

He carried me to the bed and sat down with a thump on the covers.

My heart was beating so fast.

I looked down to see bradley's hand lift.

Suddenly he rested it against my jaw, his fingers gently held my cheek as two fingers gently pressed against my lips.

My eyes closed.

I shook as he moved his fingers against my lips.

My heart was beating so fast.

He moved his lips to my ear.

I could feel his hot breath against my neck, i shook even more.

"I love you..." He said dreamily.

My eyes shot open in surprise.

"I-I love you too..." I breathed.

I finally said it.

I could almost see him smile, that cocky smile of his that right now either said 'See' or  
'I knew it all along'

I gulped as he moved his hand down my chest.

His fingers ghosted over my nipple.

He laid his head over my shoulder, placing kisses under my chin, my head lifted back.

He chuckled, a smirk played on his lips as he licked his fingers and placed them in between my nipple.

"Ah..." I breathed, my head fell forwards.

I grit my teeth, my eyes screwed tight.

Oh god.

"S-So good..." I gasped in pleasure.

He hummed.

I opened my eyes, my mouth open as i looked over to him.

He looked down to where is fingers were playing with my hardening nipple.

Oh, oh god his smile, that-that smile.

My eyes shut, my head lifted.

"Ah...ah...!" I cried gently as i felt both my nipples hard, i felt so good.

"Colin..." Bradley gasped, seems he was also out of breath.

"B-Bradley..." I whimpered.

"Shhshhhhshhhhh..." He hushed me as he lifted me to the bed.

He laid me down and he crawled onto me.

We shared a kiss as we shed off of our clothes.

We were both naked.

He bent down and kissed my hard, hard nipples, his tongue swirled around them.

My head fell back onto the pillow, my mouth hung open, my eyes shut and nothing came out, a silent cry.

He lifted his head, puffing hot breath against my sweating chest.

I opened my eyes and looked at him.

his eyes, they were so...so...so-sure.

He smirked.

He looked like as if i was his prey and he captured me, a victorious struggle between smarts and brute strength, and he won.

"Heh..." He breathed and palmed me in between my legs and squeezed.

"Ah!" I cried and closed my eyes, panting heavily.

He squeezed harder.

"AH!" I cried louder and fell onto the pillow, shaking.

"Bradley..." I breathed as he palmed me.

"You're soft..." He whispered and i felt him kiss the tip.

I gasped, flinching slightly.

He held onto it and moved back and forth, each time squeezing more harder.

Bradley, bradley was jacking me off.

I felt myself hardening.

"Ah...!" I cried.

"Fuck..." I squeaked.

"It's okay..." Bradley whispered and leaned over me.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

I opened my mouth and his tongue slipped in.

"Mmm!" I moaned.

Bradley moaned louder.

I lifted my leg, my foot rested on the cold bed sheets.

He moved his hand away and pressed it against mine, he curled his fingers through mine and squeezed gently, i did the same.

is other hand snaked around my back.

I placed my hand gently on his shoulder.

The moon's raise glowed into the dark room, eliminating the bed sheets and him.

Soon i felt something hard against my chest.

I parted the kiss and looked down to see bradley was hard, so painfully hard like me.

"Your'e...rock hard..." I gasped.

He hummed in response.

He kissed my cheek and whispered.

"May I?"

I didn't even hesitate.

"Yes."

He smiled and bend down and slowly lifted my legs over his shoulders, he smiled gently to me as he closed his eyes and pushed into me.

I flinched, closing my eyes as i grit me teeth, trying to deal with the pain.

I haven't felt this...done this in a while.

He slowly moved out then back in again.

"Fuck..." I sobbed.

And again and again.

Soon he picked up the pace.

Each time faster.

"Ah..." I gasped as he moved in harder.

"AH..." And harder.

"Ahha!" And harder.

"AH...!" I choked, my legs flinched.

I shut my mouth tightly.

"Mmhmm!" I moaned.

"Mmmm!" I moaned louder as he picked up the pace.

My head fell to the side, my eyes closed, my mouth open, taking in air.

My whole body moved in sync as bradley moved in and out.

My arms lay above me on the bed.

He moved faster and faster!

Suddenly

He slowly pushed in and stopped, both of us quiet.

"Ahhh!" I cried as i felt myself coming close.

"Ah, Bradley!" I grit out as i came with a whimper, all over bradley's chest.

Bradley lifted himself high and chocked on a sob.

Soon he relaxed and lay on top of me, i held his back as he panted on top of me.

I lay there, my eyes closed.

Then i thought.

'He's drunk...so if he wakes...'

My eyes flew open in realization and looked at bradley.

I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing a kiss just below his hair.

"Sleep well..."

"You too..." He whispered.

Then i fell asleep and waited for morning to come, if he doesn't get it i won't tell him, it will embarrass him.

The next morning i woke first, i turned to Bradley who was asleep next to me.

I quietly got out of bed and showered.

When i was dressed i made breakfast for us, when i opened the door to Bradley he was already awake.

"M-Morning..." I said, a bit scared of what he was going to say.

He simply yawned and smiled.

"Morning...oh, i feel so fresh...what happened last night?"

I froze.

"N...nothing...i have to go!" I said and ran to the kitchen, trying to get my heart rate down, that was so close.

Bradley's Pov.

When he ran out, i thought he remembered what i did to him.

I immediately got out of bed and took a quick shower and threw on some clothes and ran to the kitchen.

"Colin!" I called as i saw him, his back facing me.

"Colin...I-"

"Don't...don't say it...please..." He whispered.

"Colin...i'm so..."

"It's alright, here your food is done...i need to get some snacks from the store, be back soon!" he said and ran out.

What am i suppose to do!?

I ate and paced the flat till he returned.

"Colin..." I called softly and met him in his bed room.

"Oh god, it stinks in here...did you wash the bathroom with jig Colin?" I asked, covering my mouth.

I swear, his whole face turned red, even his ears

He looked like a deer as it saw it's hunter.

"Um...um...yes, s-sorry i, i just came in here to change the sheets!" He cried and grabbed the sheets and ran past me.

"OH GOD COLIN, The smell is coming from the blanket, what did you do, tip the jig all over it!?" I gaged.

"I'm sorry-I'm sorry!" He cried in a hurry as i heard him put it in the basket.

I sighed and walked over to him.

"It's alright mate..."

"No it's not..." He murmured, looking off to space.

Oh no, he does remember it, he can't even look at me!  
"Colin...what happened a few-" I started.

"What, nothing happened, nothing happened at all i swear it, lets just leave it okay..." He said in a scared tone.

"Colin, we can't just let what happened go...we need to talk about this..." I said, i never felt so scared in my entire life.

Colin's Pov.

I never felt so scared in my entire life!  
Oh god oh god, he wants to talk about what...we did...last night.

My hearts racing.

"We can, it...what happened...it was nothing..." I said in a low voice.

"Damn Colin, it wasn't nothing...it was wrong-"

I felt as if lightning struck down on me.

"Wrong?"

"Yes Colin...what happened, it was wrong and i'm so sorry...i'll never do it again!" he cried.

But i thought he loved me, i thought what we did...what we shared was love, not something wrong!

"Fine, If you don't love me and you think it's wrong then just leave!" I cried, pointing to the door.

"What?" Bradley breathed.

Huh?

Whats with him, i'm going him what he wants, he thinks us making love is wrong, that his love for me is wrong, so...leaving is okay for him, isn't it?

"Listen Colin...you have no idea how sorry i am, i was cruel, a monster for doing that to you and...i promise that i will never come near you again...well here at least, i'll get my stuff tomorrow, if you don't want to see me when i get here i'll text you..."

I couldn't believe what i was hearing, was making love to me a sin for him?

He walked up to me and kissed my head and left.

I stood there for a moment.

My skin was tingling from Bradley kissing my head, i can't believe he left.

I'll just have to wait for him to come back tomorrow.

I pressed my hand against my head, it still felt warm from Bradley's touch.  
Was what happened really that wrong?  
I felt the tears well up, I couldn't believe it.  
I just made it to the side of the cough as my knees buckled beneath me.  
With a shaking hand I covered my hand over my mouth as a chocked sob escaped my lips.  
I loved him, I loved him with all my heart and he just pushed me away.  
Aching, my heart ached so much, it hurt…it hurt.  
I let my sobs echo through the flat.  
"Brad-ley…" I choked, I couldn't help it.  
I can't believe that I lost him.  
I felt as if my heart became hollow, because…  
Because he didn't just take apart of my heart but the whole thing.  
I felt my cheeks burn as hot tears streamed down my face.  
It hurt, it hurt so much.  
I fell down to the ground and brought my knees to my chest.  
I grabbed my hair and curled my hand around my legs and continued to cry.  
I buried my face on my knees, hiding the tears.  
I stayed there, cold and alone till the last tear fell.  
I harshly whipped it away, taking away the feeling of what it would feel like if Bradley would kiss it away, feeling his warm, comforting lips against my burning flesh as he dry's away my sorrows.  
If only I didn't meet him.  
If only…  
If only..!  
If only my heart would take it away, all these feelings. The good, the bad and what could have happened.  
My head shot up and i looked over to the cough and reached over and grabbed a pillow, i moved it over to me and i pressed my face against it and screamed.  
"AHHHHH-HAAA-HAAAH-HAAAAAA-AAAA-AAAAAA!"  
I took a deep breath, and let out another heart wrenching scream.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
After that last cry left my lips i broke down, sobbing into the pillow.  
I let out a breath and stood up and with a heavy heart i dragged my feet to the bed and fell onto it, it still smelled like Bradley.  
I curled into a ball and fell asleep.  
I suddenly shot out of bed.

"What the hell!?" I Whispered o myself as I took my phone out, i flipped it open, the light gave the room a ghostly glow.

"I was asleep for three hours..." I murmured to myself.

BANG!  
A loud noise echoed around the flat.

I got up and grabbed my hockey stick.

I walked up to my door and quietly opened it to reveal darkness.

I heard something...

It sounded like something rolling?

My heart was in my throat as i walked into the hall.

My heart stopped when suddenly someone grabbed my shoulder.

I cried out and swung back hitting my attacker in the face, he cried out in pain and fell to the ground.

"GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE!" I cried.

He groaned in pain, i couldn't see anything.

I ran over to a wall and rested my hand against the switches, i pressed against it and the hall lit up to reveal a bloody Bradley!

I gasped in shock, i felt my breath catch as i-

"Bradley..." I breathed.

"I was...i was packing my stuff...i thought you-d sleep it through..." Bradley croaked, i could hear him close to tears.

What had i done...

What had i done!?

I ran to him, falling to my knees in front of him, my shoulders shaking.

He had a gash on the side of his head.

His eye was closed as blood poured down on the side of his face.

I gently held his head.

"Oh god Bradley say something please!" I begged him.

"Colin..." He croaked, his voice hitched.

Suddenly he wrapped his arms would my neck and hugged me.

"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry Colin!" He wept.

"Lets get you to the kitchen, i need to clean the wound..." I said and gently lifted him up and we stumbled to the kitchen.

I laid him on a chair as i wiped away the blood with a wet cloth.

"Thank god, you don't need sticks but i'm taking you to the doctor in the morning, just to be safe..." I whispered as i placed a band aid on his head.

"Thank you..." he smiled.

"No problem..." I said.

"So...you forgive me for what i did to you?" He asked in a soft voice.

"What? Oh Bradley, not this again!" I huffed in anger and stood up, pacing.

"No, we need to talk about this...Colin, i...i raped you and-"

"YOU DIDN'T RAPE ME, BRADLEY IT WAS LOVE!" I screamed.

"Colin...i forced myself on you, you...you eve begged me to stop but..." he squeaked.

"What are you talking about...last night we went clubbing and-"

"We went clubbing?" Bradley frowned.

"Yes...and when we got back home you confessed your love for me and we did it..."

"No, Colin...oh god Colin no...i don't remember that-wait...last night? i was drunk and...oh god i don't remember anything!" He cried.

"WHAT!? you were drunk through the whole thing!" I cried.

"YES!" he said.

"THen what the fuck do you mean about you raping me!?" I asked.

"..."

"Bradley?"

"..."

"Bradley, what...what are you saying?" I asked, taking a step back.

He stood up and walked towards me.

I took another step back, then another and another.  
Suddenly i was against the kitchen counter.

"When...when i got you...forced you to drink that beer, you were drunk and you kissed me and when, when you said we couldn't do it because of your belief i...lost myself, i was just so angry and...i..." He cracked, tears falling down.

I was scared.

"I raped you and you begged me to stop...god...i;'m so sorry...i'm so sorry..." He whispered over and over, he then placed his hand on my shoulder but i flinched away.

"-And now...you know, now...you...know..." He said and fell to his knees, sobbing.

I stood there.

"You raped me..." I said, dully.

"I'm sorry..." He cried.

"-And to think i loved you..." I hissed.

"I'm sorry!" He cried and reached for my hand i i simply slapped his away and...and i slapped him across the face.

"You raped me and said you loved me!?" I cried.

He was quiet.

"How could you?" I whispered, feeling hot tears falling down my face.

He stood up and kissed my tears away, like he always did.

But...it was different now.

"No, get away!" I cried and pushed him away.

"Colin...please'..." He tiredly whispered, placing a hand on my cheek.

I froze.

In pure fear.

Fear of him.

Fear of the man i loved.

Loved.

"I loved you and you did this to me, its all you fault, it's all YOUR FAULT!" I screamed, hitting his chest with my fists, but he was stronger and took the pain as if it was nothing.

Nothing.

Thats when i cried, i kept hitting him.

Then h e hugged me tightly.

At first i struggled out of his grip, trying to get away form him.

But the basterd was too strong, so i rested my head against his shoulder and cried.

When the last tear fell i felt it being dried away by Bradley's lips.

I opened my eyes to see his hands gently holding onto my head as he kissed my cheek.

"I'm sorry, Colin...please forgive me, because i can't loose you...i can't...and i know you can't loose me...so...please just forgive me...so that...so that...we...we can...we-" He wept.

His head bowed, hiding his eyes as tears fell down his face.

I was about to say something when he lifted his head and kissed me as gently as he could, but his eyes, his eyes were tight, tight with guilt.

I kissed back.

My hands lay limp against my sides.

Slowly I let my arms reach to his back, hands held onto his back with care.

After that...we managed to patching things through.

We sat at the couch as we promised to never do this to one another ever again.

When we agreed, Bradley sealed our agreement by gently holding my hand as he placed kisses onto it.

I smiled and lifted his head as i leaned in and gave him a small peck on his lips.

Days passed.

One day, was i watched the set i heard the door close.

I looked over to see bradley, he smiled and ran over to me and grabbed my hand,w e ran out of the flat, our hands still connected.

With a gentle voice he whispered against my ear.

"Lets go to the beach..."

Our bodies were moulded in front of the golden sun set, our hands still connected and i wasn't going to let it go just yet.


End file.
